Family Law FAQ

Check back around early February for additional FAQs regarding Family Law and other types of cases. These questions and answers are written by our firm, for Missouri family law matters. The opinions are ours, based on 20 years of experience. Copyright (c) 2004 by Dan Pingelton

Do I really need a lawyer for my divorce?

You don’t really need a doctor to take out your appendix. Find a sharp knife, grit your teeth and have a go at it. This is a lawyer’s website, what else are we going to say? Seriously, the luxury answer is yes – you always need a lawyer. But under certain circumstances, an agreeable couple can get through a divorce by themselves. If the marriage has been short, if there is a nominal amount of property, if the couple agrees on everything and if there are no children, things could work out. Otherwise, get a lawyer. Divorce kits or internet services that suggest otherwise are simply wrong. At best, they’ll probably amount to an inconvenience, as you’re forced to return to court time and again until you get the paperwork just right; at worst, you’ll wind up having to pay a lawyer much more to fix what you started by trying to save money.

Family law has become somewhat complex, especially during the last ten years. The dissolution of a marriage involves a web composed of legal, moral and emotional fibers. They can be ripped apart or rearranged. People can remain entangled indefinitely or situated fairly for the future.

A good family law attorney will navigate you through the complex web. An experienced attorney can peer into your future. We know where you’ll be, legally, from what happens now in your divorce. And we will position you to get there.

How long does a divorce take?

It depends on several things: the size of the marital estate; agreements or problems involving children; and sometimes, quite frankly, the emotions of the people involved. People naturally want the pain to go away. They like hearing that technically a divorce can be completed in thirty days. Missouri Supreme Court time standards envision that most divorces should be completed within eight months. Our goal is to finish these cases well before that, and most cases are resolved within two to four months. What we won’t do is sacrifice quality for speed. A good result is more important than instant pain relief. In five years, a good result will be appreciated much more than a rapid one.

How much does a divorce cost?

It depends on the time necessary to obtain a proper result. Many cases are concluded with a minimum retainer, usually about $750. This includes all court costs, legal fees and related expenses. Properly resolving larger marital estates may cost more, especially if related professionals such as an accountant are indicated. Contested custody cases are often the most expensive (and emotionally challenging) cases, as they typically involve considerable time and expenses for a guardian ad litem (a court-appointed lawyer for children), investigators, and expert witnesses.

What are “uncontested” and “contested” divorces?

Simply, an “uncontested” divorce is one where the parties agree on the terms. A “contested” divorce is where a judge makes the final decision. Fortunately, the majority of divorces are resolved as an uncontested case. And a good number of initially contested cases are, through various means, resolved eventually as uncontested matters.

Several years ago, a large St. Louis firm presented a seminar and recommended that lawyers advise their clients as to whether they were “settling” lawyers or “litigators.” This is silly. Family lawyers should obtain appropriate results for their clients based on a number of factors. Often, cases are settled and difficult litigation avoided. Occasionally, though, for various reasons, there has to be a trial. If both parents ultimately demand primary physical custody of a child, for example, there may be no other way. (See “What is a Parenting Plan?” below.) Usually, good lawyers will help their clients make the right decisions to reach a fair result by avoiding a more expensive trial. Here’s a free tip: If your lawyer wants you to spend $150 an hour fighting over that $250 stainless steel blender you bought at Williams & Sonoma, get a new one – first a new lawyer and then your own new blender after your case is over.

What is a mediator?

A mediator is a professional, often a lawyer, trained in conflict resolution. More courts are ordering mediation, and making it mandatory in contested custody matters. A mediator will meet with both parties, at some point together, and use various negotiating and counseling techniques to eliminate disputed issues between the parties. Some might think lawyers dislike mediators because they take business away from them. Good lawyers like mediators because good lawyers do not like a needless fight. An effective mediator will prevent a war without reason. Even if every issue cannot be resolved, mediation can focus a case and “prep” it for quicker and cleaner resolution in court by a judge if necessary. Mediators save lawyers time, which saves the client money. Mediators can also save lawyers a little bit of their sanity, which in this business is quite valuable.

What is a guardian ad litem?

In the context of a contested custody case, this is a lawyer appointed by the court to represent the best interests of a child. By law, a guardian ad litem (GAL) must be appointed when child abuse or neglect has been alleged. Also, courts will also appoint a GAL if the judge believes the best interests of the child mandate it. Some GALs have extra training in dealing with issues involving alleged or suspected abuse or neglect. The GAL is a very important person in most cases because the courts often (sometimes too often) rely heavily on any recommendation the GAL makes in the case. We also serve as GALs in some cases, and understand well how the process works. We also know those lawyers who have proven themselves adept at representing the best interests of the children. We will work diligently to ensure that if a GAL is required in your case, that person does the job well.

Can I make my spouse pay your fee?

It depends. Like many things in family law, a statute allows the court to order a spouse to pay the other’s attorney fee. The statute was designed to “even the playing field” so the person with less money can also have the benefit of counsel. But unfortunately, many courts, especially those further away from St. Louis and Kansas City, are reluctant to award realistic fees, especially at the beginning of a difficult case, as envisioned by the domestic relations statutes. Nevertheless, experienced counsel can often obtain notable help in this area, and at least position these costs for you fairly along with the other elements in every divorce. We will not charge you for an initial review of your case; and we will work with you on fees so you will have a lawyer in critical situations.

What can I do to collect unpaid child support?

Unpaid child support continues to be a serious problem in this country. During the last quarter century, the federal government has mandated and funded serious enforcement efforts utilized by every state in the nation. For years, Missouri was a leader in modern, effective child support enforcement techniques. The Missouri Family Support Division(previously known as the Division of Child Support Enforcement) is still available to assist in the collection of child support. Unfortunately, serious budget constraints and reorganization of key elements in the program have altered the Division's focus from specialized enforcement efforts to mass quantity enforcement through automated systems relying heavily on income withholding and tax intercepts to collect support. This serves a large number of people well, but it does leave a void for some needing unique enforcement remedies.

If the child support obligor has a regular job, the Family Support Division should be able to collect current support plus an additional sum to pay off the arrearage over time. However, if the obligor changes employment frequently, is self-employed, or owes a large amount of child support, increasing numbers of people have reported mixed results with getting real help from the government. While the Division's best employees are well-trained, motivated people, caseloads have risen drastically, making consistent specialized enforcement challenging

We have extensive experience in collecting large sums of unpaid child support. We can do it often with no up-front costs to our clients. We also seek all available statutory fees and costs of collection, including attorney fees and interest. The government currently does not routinely collect statutory interest on unpaid child support. Many people do not realize that with a long history of child support non-compliance, interest alone often equals or exceeds the principal balance of the debt. Our firm believes that child support interest owed to the parent caring for children is more important than interest every commercial lender in the country charges and routinely collects on millions of accounts. In fact, we made new law in Missouri when the court of appeals reversed a trial court refusing to award interest on unpaid child support. The court declared that interest was mandatory.

Read the case where our firm made law on child support interest collection

What is a Parenting Plan?

The days of “reasonable visitation on alternating weekends” are over. In 1998, Missouri’s General Assembly mandated that in all custody cases, the court must adopt a “parenting plan.” Family law practitioners, psychologists and educators, armed with numerous studies, had urged a system recognizing that children of a divorce do better when they remain actively involved with both parents.

Missouri’s parenting plan law is quite a recipe. It mandates that these written plans address a variety of issues – many of which parents might take for granted. The Missouri Supreme Court has adopted a sample form that can be used to comply with the parenting plan law. (Click on the link below to see it.) Most lawyers have different versions of their own forms that they use in a variety of situations. Pingelton Law Firm has developed a series of forms we prefer, and while they contain many elements found in other forms, as well as the statutory requirements, we like ours because we developed them personally, “from scratch,” based on years of seeing what works and what doesn’t work. We also change these documents frequently to conform to the current requirements and trends in family law. It’s important to understand that a parenting plan only begins with a form. Each parenting plan must be uniquely tailored to the parents and their child or children. We don’t simply plug names into a computerized form. We start with a form, and then turn it into a parenting plan that will work to secure the best interests of the child or children.

When parenting plans became mandatory, many lawyers and judges complained that they were just more paperwork that would make little difference in the real lives of people. It’s understandable why many lawyers felt this way: Years of seeing the worst in people lowers expectations of better behavior that places the needs of children above the needs for ego-boosting, revenge, rationalization or self-justification. It is true that two good parents, acting with their child’s interests first, can do an excellent job of raising a child after a divorce, even if their parenting plan is written on one side of a napkin. The character of the parents matters more than the writing on the plan. But something else has been happening with these plans. They have changed the mindset of people involved in the divorce process. Judges have been forced to stop and think about something like telephone contact – time-consuming and irritating for some on the bench, but something that can become fairly important for the child and parents. Family law lawyers have been reminded that issues in the case affect an entire sphere of life that continues long after the final judgment has been filed away. And most importantly, parents have seen in black and white what they probably never thought about in detail before they divorced. They have paused and considered things that really matter in the everyday life of their children.

Parenting plans have made the divorce process a bit more expensive. And a lot better for the children. An easy price to pay, with dividends far exceeding monetary gain.

Missouri Supreme Court sample parenting plan